Loyalty, Love and Self-Knowledge (in your twenties) – what Carrie Bell discovers

ImageI love that my mother passes on her novels to me — most of the books she’s read usually becomes one of my favorites, or I find books to read that are similar (which are mainly about fictional stories with real life and death experiences). Ann Packer’s The Dive From Clausen’s Pier is definitely one of those books that will take up a space in my heart, since I could relate with some of the feelings. It made me realize that you eventually have to accept who you are, and sometimes an escape can help discover those findings, as well as realizing who you really owe your love to. Carrie Bell, the 23 year-old fashion junkie from Madison, Wisconsin discovers how and whom she needs to love, as well as her own identity, throughout her journey.

Carrie and her 23 year-old boyfriend Mike Mayer have been together for eight years, but things seem rocky to begin with when the story starts. On Memorial Day, Carrie and Mike meet up with their friends at Clausen’s Reservoir: Rooster, Mike’s best friend; Jamie, Carrie’s best friend; Christine and her boyfriend Bill, along with another friend named Stu. Everyone here is enjoying life post-college, and Carrie still remains working at Wisconsin University’s library.

Carrie, however, is in a mood; she’s distant from the group, especially with Mike. Jamie notices that her best friend isn’t acting like herself, but Carrie claims that she’s fine. To encourage some fun, Rooster and Stu dare Mike to dive. Mike playfully questions his friends whether he should do it or not, and all cheer him on to do so. But little did Mike and Carrie’s friend knew that the water levels were still a bit low for swimming season — Mike dives, and then ends up in Intensive Care with a broken neck and paralyzed from the arms down, in a coma.

Carrie tries to retrace her love that she once had for Mike, but it becomes difficult: she doesn’t cry until about four weeks later, when Mike finally wakes up. At this point, Mike is diagnosed as quadriplegic and forever spends his life in a wheelchair. Carrie finds it difficult to visit Mike in rehab more and more as the weeks go by; her mother, Mrs. Bell, Rooster and Jamie notice that her interest in Mike is suddenly falling, regardless of his condition.

During a dinner with one of Carrie’s co-workers named Viktor, she meets his alluring friend whom is visiting named Kilroy, a native from New York City. Kilroy shows his interest in Carrie, but he had already sensed that she’s involved in a serious relationship. Although Kilroy tries to impress Carrie with his pool skills, it would not be the last night they see each other ever again.

Carrie happens to reconnect with a high school classmate named Simon, who’s also visiting from New York City. Carrie notices something different about Simon, and he tells her he’s openly gay and studying art and theatre at The Big Apple. Carrie suddenly feels comforted by Simon, and opens up to him about her pressuring feelings about Mike; she doesn’t think she’s in love with him anymore, but she can’t manage to take off the engagement ring he gave her.

In order to escape the confusion and guilt, Carrie travels to New York City to live with Simon, without saying goodbye to anyone in Madison. Two days before Carrie’s adventure, she spots Jamie’s teen sister, Lynn, waiting for a man outside a sketchy area of town, whom she met while waitressing at a restaurant she works at. Wearing a short skirt with teased hair and heavy eyeliner, Lynn begs Carrie not to say a word about it to Jamie. Carrie keeps her promise, but later in the story the reader will find out that keeping that promise was never worth it…

Carrie then has the desire to find Kilroy; she finds him at a bar called McClanahan’s that he constantly talked about. The two get to know each other more, and end up having a night of romance back at Kilroy’s apartment. The next morning, Kilroy finally tells Carrie is age: FORTY. But that never scared Carrie away; it only it brought her closer to him and she eventually forgot about her friends and family back in Madison, even though Kilroy keeps many secrets from her. It takes a few discoveries to find the answers to Kilroy’s secrets, and it takes one phone call from a friend, a cry for help, to challenge Carrie on what she intends to do next – who really deserves her love?

My Evaluation: 

I would love to summarize the whole book for you if I could, but that would be unfair since this is a review. In 42 chapters, Packer bulks many themes, scenes and conflicts in an entertaining and descriptive manner. It’s a juicy book, and because there’s so many characters involved, I wondered if a reader of this novel attempted to write fan fictional stories of them, like what their side of the story is while Carrie was gone.

I found this novel to be overwhelmingly peaceful, fucked up, and somber. There were times I wish I could’ve just teleported my fist through the pages to punch Carrie in the face. Carrie isn’t known to be a very likable character because of the grief she causes among friends, families, lovers and herself. She’s selfish and in her twenties and fucking confused. She stopped loving Mike sometime way before the accident, and him becoming paralyzed might’ve been her cue. However, I can’t exactly hate her either; like Rooster and Jamie say to her, “I’m mad at you, but I understand how you feel”.

I think in your twenties it’s incredibly hard to be in love for such a long period of time – you’re discovering who you are and what you want still, and how to love. I only know this because I’m still experiencing it with numerous situations.

It’s a great read — actually, I found it quite comforting because I think anybody could relate to a few of the themes in the novel (although you’ll never admit it).

4/5 Stars

My Edition: 

The Dive From Clausen’s Pier is published by Alfred A. Knopf, New York, April 16, 2002

ISBN 0375412824 (hardcover with jacket)

$24 when first published, about $13 on Amazon.com as of 2013.

LIFETIME MOVIE COMPARISON (iTunes and Amazon, $3.99 to buy – rent n/a)

***SPOILERS!*** Read at your own risk (if you haven’t read the book). 

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I guess the old saying is that movies based on books never follow the actual book, and I was pretty hurt to have my eyes open to that by this Lifetime movie.

To start on positive notes, this movie really brought the characters alive. Michelle Trachtenburg (Harriet the Spy) plays an awesome Carrie, and Will Estes (The Dark Night Rises) is a great role for Mike. The acting was well for an hour and a half movie, but the directors REALLY twisted up the plot — I mean, REALLY fucked with it. They try to make Carrie appear to be less extreme with her decisions, and Kilroy as a sweeter guy. They pulled it off well, but because I liked this book so much, I took note of the obvious – I found of these changes either really good or stupid. But then again, how could you fit so many details in an hour from 42 chapters?!:

  • Julie Mayer, Mike’s little sister doesn’t exist. John Junior, Mike’s youngest sibling, only has one or two cameo shots. Miss Wolf only had a single cameo shot as well. Her death and significance were not present in the film.
  • Other missing characters: Lynn, Mixie, Alice, Bill, Harvey, Dave King, Ania, Maura and Jeff.
  • She’s Carrie Beal, not Carrie Bell.
  • Carrie cries after the accident – in the book, she doesn’t cry until Mike wakes from his coma.
  • After Mike’s accident, he rudely asks Nurse Joan to change the channel. In the book, that’s his rehab roommate Jeff’s job.
  • Kilroy tells Carrie that he’s 35 — in the book, he tells her he’s 40.
  • Dillion, Simon’s love interest, is African American. In the book, he’s described as snotty and blonde (nothing is wrong with this, however. After watching the movie, I realized the lack of diversity in Packer’s novel – I like how Dillion’s black instead).
  • Nurse Joan is described tall and blonde as well. In the movie, she’s played by Raquel Duffy.
  • When Kilroy tells Carrie that she’s “barking up the wrong tree”, he lets her walk out. In the book: before she walks out, he asks her to go to dinner with him.
  • Since there’s no Lynn in the movie, Rooster calls Carrie in the beginning of December updating her that Jamie’s mother is in rehab again (this part comes MUCH later in the book). Although he notifies that he’s marrying Joan, he doesn’t state when the wedding will be — he just asks Carrie to come home for Christmas, which she does not.
  • She cancels her flight the day before the holidays after a steamy, sexy night with Kilroy – in the book, Kilroy convinces Carrie to stay to take her to a park in NYC.
  • Instead of giving her a picture he took from France, Kilroy gives Carrie a sketchbook for Christmas as a diary to keep her fashion ideas and collections.
  • Kilroy and Carrie don’t share that mysterious moment on top of the Empire State building (that means Maura never existed, either).
  • Kilroy never receives a letter from his parents, it’s a single phone call instead. During Carrie’s celebration with Kilroy, Simon and Lane of starting fashion school, Kilroy pulls Carrie to the side and tells her he must visit his parents. Carrie convinces him to invite her. IN THE BOOK. . . Kilroy receives a letter from his parents about the mysterious date and Carrie sneaks into his coat pocket to read it (while he’s at work). She still convinces him to take her, but the day before they go, they go on a trip outside of New York for the night.
  • Rooster’s wedding takes place in the spring season. After Carrie’s argument with Kilroy, she leaves to go to the wedding. She never gets a call from Jamie, although Jamie shows that she is angry at her. IN THE BOOK. . . Rooster invited Carrie to the wedding three days before Christmas and she bailed. Carrie only returned to Madison to revive the friendship with Jamie.
  • Jamie forgives Carrie right away. IN THE BOOK, Jamie is much harder and colder – it takes days for Carrie to get Jamie to talk to her again.
  • Stu is still around. IN THE BOOK, Rooster tells Carrie that Stu was embarrassed by Mike because he’s handicapped.
  • Rooster’s wedding takes place at the Mayers’ home. IN THE BOOK. . . lol, this never happened. I think they needed to skip the first two weeks of Carrie’s return and they smashed it into one…whole…event. Haha.
  • Kilroy flies to Madison to win back Carrie. IN THE BOOK, Kilroy keeps in contact with Carrie until she loses interest in calling him. Weeks later, her fancy Bernina sewing machine is mailed to her from Kilroy…that’s when she finally calls him back and discovers more about his life.
  • Kilroy admits to Carrie that his frustration is built upon the death of his brother, Thomas Michael Fraser. He tells Carrie that he died in an accident. OHHH BUT WAIT A MINUTE…IN THE BOOK, Kilroy and Carrie are discussing this over the phone. Kilroy’s brother is just named “Mike” and his cause of death was leukemia (why did they have the need to screw the climax up?)
  • Kilroy begs Carrie to start over and to come back with him to NYC. Carrie peacefully, with a kiss, breaks up with him and tells him she’s staying in Madison. IN THE BOOK, Kilroy tells Carrie how much she’s destroyed him by not returning and ends the relationship over the phone.

My final words: the movie is fun to watch, but the book is better.

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The Second Book I Cried Over (and I rarely cry over books)

Image(My very first review. I’ll be learning how to write them along the way. Enjoy!)

Dani Shapiro’s Slow Motion is one of the books I’ve recently read for my Women & Lit class and this is first book in a while that’s made me cry my eyes out and pity the characters (the last time I cried over a book was during last summer, Mitch Albom’s For One More Day). My instructor is a huge fan of Shapiro; she added her on Facebook and read most of her writing. I believe that Shapiro has gained a new fan as well; her writing style inspires me.

Taken place in the mid 1980s, this is a memoir about the author herself who goes through drastic changes in her life after her parents get into a disastrous car crash, and it places both of them in the ICU. Throughout the book, 23-year-old Dani goes through many challenges such as choosing to be a father’s daughter or a mother’s daughter, her dependency towards others, how time is in “slow motion” for her, and like almost every 20-something year old, she’s struggling to find her identity.

Before the accident, Dani is living in San Diego pursuing in modeling and acting. She grew up in New Jersey under a strict Jewish household. Her father, Paul, wants Dani to be “the good, little yeshiva girl” while her mother, Irene, wants her to be “the pretty popular girl”. Throughout the book, Dani goes through reminisces of when she lived with her parents; her experiences show that she hasn’t been very close to them until the accident and feels that she has disappointed them greatly and now must find a way to make it up for them. Dani is a college drop-out and is a mistress to forty-six year old attorney, Lenny Klein.

Dani met Lenny through her best friend and roommate, Jess, while she was attending Sarah Lawrence College. Lenny happens to be Jess’s stepfather; he wasn’t afraid to tell Jess that he thought of Dani as an “angel”. Lenny continued to drop off flowers and gifts to Dani, and it helped their love grow for the next four years. However, Dani was not aware that it would bring changes between her and Jess.

After the accident occurs, Dani travels from San Diego to New Jersey to take care of her parents. But it takes forever for Dani to get there and time seems to be moving slow after she encounters her parents in the hospital. The title of the book, Slow Motion, is a constant theme  itself.

Both sides of the family also strike differences and conflicts between each other in the novel. Dani realizes that she doesn’t fit in with her family well at all because she chose modeling and acting over a degree. She wears fancy, brand name clothes that Lenny bought her, with fur coats and heels. She’s quite alluring. However, her half-sister from her dad’s side, Susie, has a PHD in psychology, about 10 years older than Dani and helps clients almost everyday. Dani feels like a dependent child compared to Susie and feels out of place when she acts differently towards her.

I would go more into detail about the book, but then I would be spoiling it big time. Most of the  details come into place right away, about the end of chapter 2 or beginning of of 3. Also, Shapiro also goes really in depth of what actually happened during her parents’ accident in her one of her recent books called Devotion since there’s not too much juice about the accident in Slow Motion.

My Evaluation: 

Many of my classmates did not find this book believable or found Dani’s tone to be way too whiney and annoying. I’d like to beg the differ.

Dani definitely grows throughout the novel. As you read it, pay attention to the tone and how it changes later in the novel because she starts to mature in her writing.

I do agree that Dani can become annoying because it seems that she complains a lot about what she’s going through. It’s simply one of the themes about this book, though; her complaints and sadness represent her isolation and dependency on her parents, Lenny, and alcohol and drug abuse. She also doesn’t fit in well, like I’ve said before; her looks are appealing and she makes the wrong decisions, and she’s a college dropout. Things just got worse for her because her parents are now in an unstable condition; her father is in a coma and her mother’s body is 80% broken.

Also, you may be able to relate to Dani in your own personal ways. I’m definitely able to relate with her when it comes to loving your family and realizing how much time is left to make the best out of things you’ve done wrong. I cried hard at one part in particular (which I vowed not spoil!) because it reminded me of a tragic day my family and I had to go through; back in August, a week before the fall semester started for me, my father had an embolism episode and survived because he was so healthy. He spent 3 days in ICU and 4 more in regular rooms. He’s doing great and is now 60 years old, still going to the gym and working. But I think that was the “Dani Day” for me when I realized how much time I felt like I had to fix things I needed to fix (I was quite the shitty teenager and I moved out at 19 – those were the 9 years I spent with my family that I put the most stress on them).

For a first review, I’m sorry I couldn’t describe too much. I mean, I would be pretty pissed if someone spoiled the climax and other juicy details of a story in a review before I even read the book.

It’s a quick read, but I suggest taking your time with it; it’s one of those depressing books that just drain the hell out of you if you spend too much time with it.

4/5 Stars, and it belongs on the favorites shelf (for me).

Recommendations: 

I read Slow Motion on Kobo eBooks for my desktop at the price of $11.99. To download on the desktop is free, unless you have the Kobo eReader. A couple negative things about this purchase – this program has no page numbers and I couldn’t find it anywhere in the settings. If you scroll, you move halfway through the book – it’s a sensitive program. I definitely don’t recommend this program for classroom purchases – even my instructor agrees.

Slow Motion was published on Oct. 21, 1999 by Mariner Books. Prices vary: $4.94 – $11.99

Click here for more ratings and reviews on this book on Goodreads

Click here to visit Dani Shapiro’s website. 

Where I’ve Been:

I get that you can’t forgive me for this, but I think I have pretty legit excuses.

For the past Mondays and Wednesdays, I’ve been reporting like crazy at the legislature. If you’ve been following our blog, you can see that we post as much as we can four days a week. 

I’ve been learning something new about Nevada’s politics each day, even from my teammate’s articles. Wednesdays are usually the busiest days for me because I have two classes back-to-back from each other once I return to Reno. I insist on dressing nice and looking good, too, so that takes up some time.

I also work seven hours on Tuesdays after two other back-to-back classes. Nobody memorable has walked in or called the Planetarium these days. Lately, it’s been quiet and normal (and really boring).

I’ve made a few new friends, so I’d like to spend time with them as well, especially since I have a lot in common with one of them! We’re hoping to start a band since she plays the bass and sings, too (except, I’m the guitarist).

I work for about 4-5 hours on weekends, and I’m usually exhausted by the end of the day. I don’t get to really rest or rejuvenate until Monday hits (surprisingly) because it’s the only day I can allow myself to sleep past 10 am! I used to go to Carson on Mondays but we decided to switch things up (and this ended up being a good idea).

So it’s obvious that I’ve found time to write a freakin’ post; it’s one of the most wonderful things about Spring Break. I have a list of ideas that I’ll be blogging about this whole week in order to make up however many weeks I’ve missed: I have a couple of books I’d like to attempt to write reviews on and I now have the power and confidence to write an article I’ve been meaning to write (you’ll see).

Here in peaceful little Fallon, behind me my mother is baking cake pops that are colored green, white and orange for St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow (her side of the family is Irish, which makes me Irish, so we’ll be celebrating). My father is doing well and is outside trying to get the power hose to work. The dogs are anxiously waiting for him to get it to work so they can bite the jet stream of water. And as for my brother…he’s just being the teenage boy that he is, hanging out in his room.

Hopefully, I’ll get to see some old friends while I’m at it. I’m getting my hair dyed and cut professionally for the first time in over a year on Friday, too. And now, I can’t help but enjoy myself by eating sour apple flavored licorice that my mother is using to decorate the cake pops with. We’re both kind of having a hard time trying to shape them as clovers to put on top of the icing. Here’s how they look so far:

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Because it’s Spring Break, I also have the time to get back to my projects. I’m working on a short story to submit to a fiction class I want to take next semester. On top of it, I’ll just work on my other two novels as well — why the hell not?

It’s really nice to get away from Reno for a week — it’s much needed. Lately, it’s been the same old routine everyday socially, academically and emotionally. I’m actually getting sick of college because I’m ready to move on and focus on just writing and journalism. I was walking through campus last week and thinking, Man, I’m just getting too old for this (however, I’m only 21. Ha. Ha.).

Doing the same old routines in college reminds me of breaking up with a boy I fell hard for in high school; I couldn’t move past him because I was focusing on him so much and it took me two years to stop caring about him. My constant focus on him was holding me back from a lot of things. I feel like something’s holding me back from graduating, even though there really isn’t. And luckily, this feeling is under good circumstances. I guess I could call it slow motion with the way I’m feelin’.

I’ll be back tomorrow. In the meantime, here’s one blog post you could read that I had a chance to write, for NVMA: http://nvmediaalliance.wordpress.com/2013/02/27/achievement-unlocked-report-the-first-month-of-77th-session/